7.09.2004
Current Mood: Empty
Current Musicology: Robbie Williams's "Angels"
Not sure if anyone reads this, but oh well. Readership is not the point.
There are a lot of times, more now so for some reason, that I sit and think of regrets I have. Mostly, concerning friends or former friends.
I think about things I should or shouldn't have said, things I should or shouldn't have done. I know it's bad to dwell on things, but that's just who I am. I'm always wondering, "what if?"
What if I had just kept smiling and laughing even though I wasn't amused?
What if I had confronted you on the "secret"?
What if I had reached over and kissed you while you were sprawled out across my carpet?
You told me never to regret anything, but I regret a lot of things.
Most of which involve you, but that's a story for another time.
Make no mistake, I love my boyfriend. He is wonderful, more than I could ever have hoped for. Yet, you refuse to leave the recesses of my mind. Your image, your voice, your mere presense haunts me. I have vowed to not concern myself with you any longer, simply because there is too big of a rift between us now to ever think that we could be what we once were. "Friends" as you called it, but we were hardly that. I don't think hanging out while drinking and saying hi every now and then constitutes friendship. We were aquaintences, with an odd sort of intimate knowledge of each other. But even now, that knowledge that I held so dear is slipping away from me, being pushed aside by newer, more vibrant memories.
...This is stupid. I refuse to write about him any longer. He's not a part of my life anymore, why the hell do I still even care? Can somebody please explain it to me? How can one person I hardly even knew have such a profound affect on my emotional state?
I am frustrated.
Current Musicology: Robbie Williams's "Angels"
Not sure if anyone reads this, but oh well. Readership is not the point.
There are a lot of times, more now so for some reason, that I sit and think of regrets I have. Mostly, concerning friends or former friends.
I think about things I should or shouldn't have said, things I should or shouldn't have done. I know it's bad to dwell on things, but that's just who I am. I'm always wondering, "what if?"
What if I had just kept smiling and laughing even though I wasn't amused?
What if I had confronted you on the "secret"?
What if I had reached over and kissed you while you were sprawled out across my carpet?
You told me never to regret anything, but I regret a lot of things.
Most of which involve you, but that's a story for another time.
Make no mistake, I love my boyfriend. He is wonderful, more than I could ever have hoped for. Yet, you refuse to leave the recesses of my mind. Your image, your voice, your mere presense haunts me. I have vowed to not concern myself with you any longer, simply because there is too big of a rift between us now to ever think that we could be what we once were. "Friends" as you called it, but we were hardly that. I don't think hanging out while drinking and saying hi every now and then constitutes friendship. We were aquaintences, with an odd sort of intimate knowledge of each other. But even now, that knowledge that I held so dear is slipping away from me, being pushed aside by newer, more vibrant memories.
...This is stupid. I refuse to write about him any longer. He's not a part of my life anymore, why the hell do I still even care? Can somebody please explain it to me? How can one person I hardly even knew have such a profound affect on my emotional state?
I am frustrated.
7.07.2004
Current Mood: *drooling over the yellow victoria trench rain coat*
Current Musicology: Weezer's "Keep Fishing"
So, it's been about three weeks and still no word from Steve. I understand that he can't write back but it's just depressing sometimes. I guess I will have to keep content with curling up in his comforter every night.
I'm quitting Bath & Body Works. This on-call bs is stupid; I'm not receiving on-call pay. It's simply a system of availability for them, so I have to schedule my day around a shift I may or may not work depending on how they feel, and I'm not receiving any incentive to stay at home. Blah.
I miss college. You don't realize how much your family frustrates you till you live on your own for a year and then move back home. I miss my friends, and d-hall food, and dorm life. Anyone reading this that's starting college in the fall, you will love the freedom, the people, just the entire atmosphere.
Mmph. Time to go look at more things in deLiA's that I can't afford.
Current Musicology: Weezer's "Keep Fishing"
So, it's been about three weeks and still no word from Steve. I understand that he can't write back but it's just depressing sometimes. I guess I will have to keep content with curling up in his comforter every night.
I'm quitting Bath & Body Works. This on-call bs is stupid; I'm not receiving on-call pay. It's simply a system of availability for them, so I have to schedule my day around a shift I may or may not work depending on how they feel, and I'm not receiving any incentive to stay at home. Blah.
I miss college. You don't realize how much your family frustrates you till you live on your own for a year and then move back home. I miss my friends, and d-hall food, and dorm life. Anyone reading this that's starting college in the fall, you will love the freedom, the people, just the entire atmosphere.
Mmph. Time to go look at more things in deLiA's that I can't afford.
