light my way

She [Jesse] called me today, for no obvious reason.. "So, I hear a lot of things have been going on in your life."

I sorta hedged at that. I've gotten sick of the topic.

"I'm sure you've heard it all from Michael."

She paused... "I haven't heard your side."

That's why I adore her. That's it right there. I proceeded to tell her my side, goddamnit. I don't know if she backs me up or not, and it really doesn't matter. She cared that much that she asked me. That's such a big thing... she aww-ed in all the right places, a sign of a really good listener.. and didn't make a big deal out of it. Just wanted to hear.

Not in any way dragging Jesse into this because she has nothing to do with why I'm mad.

That fucking pisses me off. I fucking asked politely for Kelli to explain her side...and what did she do? Get defensive and say she didn't have to justify herself to anyone. ¬.¬'' Yeah...I didn't say anything like that. I told her I was tired of the bullshit. She said she hadn't realized her life was bullshit. Putting words in my mouth. Gee, thanks Kelli. She said she didn't ask me to fix anything. Sorry for giving a flying fuck about my friends. Next time you need help, don't ask me for a single fucking thing. I didn't do anything to deserve treatment like that. What, are you mad because I'm acting nice to Michael? Please, clue me in. Because as I've said I don't know how many fucking times, I'm obviously stupid or something because I just don't get it.

Moving on...

Lily is the best person in the world ^^ I just lurve her. She's open, honest, and trusts me. She trusts me enough that tonight she told me a lot of personal things that I'm not going to repeat her out of total respect. She makes me want to go to Midlothian High just to get away from all the bullshit here ^_^''

Tuesday went and bought the End of Evangelion and Utena movie DVDs. Both made no sense but were stunning nonetheless ^_^

Need to get dress for homecoming o.o and for convocation x.x...

Okay, enough for tonight...kinda drained...

Believe me,
I don't wanna go
And it'll grieve me
'Cause I love you so
We both know
Wish I could
Say the right words
(Wish I could trust)
To lead you
(That it was just this once)
Through this land
(But I must do what I must...)
Wish I could play the father
(I can't adjust to this disgust.)
And take you by the hand
(We're done) and I just wish I could stay

Wish I could stay
Wish I could stay here
Wish I could stay here
Wish I could stay

I'm cutting my losses...

There's a code of silence,
that we don't dare speak
There's a wall between us
So high and so deep
We keep pretending that there's nothing wrong
And there's a code of silence that can't go wrong

Cause the truth's so elusive
So elusive you see
That it ain't enough baby,
To bridge the distance between you and me
Well, there's a list of grievance a hundred miles long
There's a code of silence and it can't go on

Well you walk with your eyes open,
but your lips they remain sealed
All the promises we made are broken
fearing the truth and feeling the fear
Now, I need to know now darlin', need to know what's going on

So come on, come on, come on, come on
come on, come on, come on

Well you walk with your eyes open, but your lips they remained sealed
All the promises we made are broken
With the truth fearing revealed
Now, I need to know now darlin', need to know what's going on

Come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on

There's a code of silence, that we don't dare speak
There's a wall between us, so high and so deep
We keep pretending that there's nothing wrong
There's a code of silence, and it can't go on

And it can't go on, and it can't go on
And it can't go on, and it can't go on

"But you're one in a million
You've got that shotgun shine."

I stayed home from school today to go to the eye doctor. He's so...non-communicative o.o'' I always feel really awkward going to see my eye doctor. But he didn't change my prescription which is good, because that means my eyes haven't gotten worse since I last saw him. I wanted to try colored contacts, so when the receptionist took me in the contact room, I asked if I could try some on. The first couple of pairs I think were for light-colored eyes because they didn't show up at all. So after about 10 minutes of running around, she finally found the opaque ones for dark eyes. I tried blues ones first. They're really pretty, and subtle so it's not too dramatic a change. Then I tried some gray ones which looked very pretty but weird. So my mom was really nice and let me order both in a year-long supply. So now, when they come in, I'll occasionally have blue eyes and I'll occasionally have gray eyes ^__^''

I'm on this huge Sopranos trip right now o.x'' I swear, James Gandolfini is like the sexiest man alive...besides Bono, of course O.o

Speaking of The Irish-Sex-On-A-Stick...I was so pissed Friday. NBC12 here doesn't carry Oprah anymore, so I missed him on her show ¬.¬...And I have yet to see the new U2 video on tv. Laura's seen it a couple times on VH1...but alas, I keep missing it. I tried downloading it but it took fucking forever and I couldn't even tell what the fuck was going on because the visual was so bad. So, I'm delegated to simply listening to "Electrical Storm", which is ever so yummy ^-^

Almost forgot...Friday I also went and saw One Hour Photo with Kelli and Jesse. Robin Williams was so fucking creepy x.x Especially the dream sequence...

Saturday was...interesting. Kelli's birthday, so much fun was had ^_^ Everyone went to Disorientation 2K2 at RIR. Jimmy Eat World was great...except they fucking tricked us with the encore. I was about to cry, just ask Michael or Laura. Michael was so sweet when he was driving us home...let me blare "Sweetness" in his car....I mean, he doesn't even like Jimmy Eat World. And after he dropped Laura off, he gave me his cd of them ;_; I lurve you Michael o.o'' I've been listening to it all the time.

Oh...The Wallflowers have a new album coming out! *does the yay-dance* ^__^ Jakob is so edible o.x''

I want this as my senior quote -

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.
"I just wanted to be sure of you."
  ~A.A. Milne's The House at Pooh Corner