11.03.2002
Whew...long time no see faithful viewers o.x'' A warning though; this will quickly turn into a big, serious, rambling blog. Please be careful as my thoughts tend to just tumble out with no organization at all.
Erin's party on the 26th was mucho fun. Casey's costume was, interesting to say the least. I want those red lamé hotpants he had o.O''
So, I've been thinking. A dangerous pastime, I know. This is the last year I'm probably going to see most of my friends. Some of these people I'll most likely never see again. That's a scary thought to me. Makes me feel like I should have gotten to know so-and-so better, or joined more clubs, participated in things, been more of an extrovert, so to speak. I have such an awkward time making new friends anyways, and seeing how stranger-y college is, it's like I'm gonna be on my own for a possibly long time. If Erin goes to Castleton, that's all the way up in Vermont. And Jesse wants to go to that all-girls college that at the moment I can't remember where it's at. Laura's dad doesn't want her to go to Longwood. It'll just be me; all by myself in a big, scary new place.
I am resolved to the fact that I am not ready for high school to end. I'll be on my own, a responsible adult attempting to make it through college, and then hopefully to med. school. Maybe if I act calmer, not so random, I'll make friends easier in college. I'll be that wilting flower that I so desperately aspire to be.
Maybe I'll find a boy, shy with a quirky little smile, who tastes like sugar and smells like freshly cut grass. He'll have dark, dark like the ocean at midnight hair and Joaquin Phoenix-esqe haunted eyes. He'll be tall, but not too tall. Long, lithe body like a soccer player or runner. He'll love my chaotic thought process, and adore my stupid, forced-looking smile. He'll never look at me for just the physical side of a relationship like Joseph or even sometimes Casey. He won't want to "do it" the first time we go out, and he won't take to me to McDonald's and not offer to buy me anything or even ask if I want anything. When we argue, he won't say my opinions are "wrong." Our love will be slow, probably a little awkward but that's ok because then I'll be able to adjust and learn how to act in a relationship, and not be scared at the commitment that comes along with having a boyfriend. He'll find it enduring that I'm not the best kisser in the world, on account that I really have never had any practical experience. Maybe he can't cook, but that's ok because I can't really, either. Sure, he'll most likely look at other girls when we're out, but he'll prefer brunette's to blonde's and won't mind that I don't have the most womanly body in the world and don't look anything like the girl's in the porn videos we'll occasionally watch with mutual friends. He'll be nice, and that's good. It'll make being away from everyone just a little bit easier.
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open views inviting and inciting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
Million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Erin's party on the 26th was mucho fun. Casey's costume was, interesting to say the least. I want those red lamé hotpants he had o.O''
So, I've been thinking. A dangerous pastime, I know. This is the last year I'm probably going to see most of my friends. Some of these people I'll most likely never see again. That's a scary thought to me. Makes me feel like I should have gotten to know so-and-so better, or joined more clubs, participated in things, been more of an extrovert, so to speak. I have such an awkward time making new friends anyways, and seeing how stranger-y college is, it's like I'm gonna be on my own for a possibly long time. If Erin goes to Castleton, that's all the way up in Vermont. And Jesse wants to go to that all-girls college that at the moment I can't remember where it's at. Laura's dad doesn't want her to go to Longwood. It'll just be me; all by myself in a big, scary new place.
I am resolved to the fact that I am not ready for high school to end. I'll be on my own, a responsible adult attempting to make it through college, and then hopefully to med. school. Maybe if I act calmer, not so random, I'll make friends easier in college. I'll be that wilting flower that I so desperately aspire to be.
Maybe I'll find a boy, shy with a quirky little smile, who tastes like sugar and smells like freshly cut grass. He'll have dark, dark like the ocean at midnight hair and Joaquin Phoenix-esqe haunted eyes. He'll be tall, but not too tall. Long, lithe body like a soccer player or runner. He'll love my chaotic thought process, and adore my stupid, forced-looking smile. He'll never look at me for just the physical side of a relationship like Joseph or even sometimes Casey. He won't want to "do it" the first time we go out, and he won't take to me to McDonald's and not offer to buy me anything or even ask if I want anything. When we argue, he won't say my opinions are "wrong." Our love will be slow, probably a little awkward but that's ok because then I'll be able to adjust and learn how to act in a relationship, and not be scared at the commitment that comes along with having a boyfriend. He'll find it enduring that I'm not the best kisser in the world, on account that I really have never had any practical experience. Maybe he can't cook, but that's ok because I can't really, either. Sure, he'll most likely look at other girls when we're out, but he'll prefer brunette's to blonde's and won't mind that I don't have the most womanly body in the world and don't look anything like the girl's in the porn videos we'll occasionally watch with mutual friends. He'll be nice, and that's good. It'll make being away from everyone just a little bit easier.
Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup,
They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind,
Possessing and caressing me.
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes,
That call me on and on across the universe,
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
Sounds of laughter shades of earth are ringing
Through my open views inviting and inciting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a
Million suns, it calls me on and on
Across the universe
Jai guru de va om
Nothing's gonna change my world,
Nothing's gonna change my world.
